About Me (Questionnaire)

Thank you to Suni of Dokodemo for the questionnaire! I filled this out on May 26, 2024.

What’s your philosophy in life?
in the words of taako taaco, "be zen about it." (it's hard to follow.)

What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself?
i guess i wish i were more mentally/emotionally stable! it's something i've struggled with from birth. but i also want to be more decisive ... i really want to go to school and have a career, but i don't know what i want to do.

Are you religious or spiritual?
uh, kinda. i was exploring judaism for a while, and it still speaks to me, but i'm not prepared to make any commitments right now. i believe in a god of some sort, i think, but i'm pretty agnostic, and if it were possible to prove the lack thereof, i wouldn't be shocked or anything. the only religious label i use for myself is ex-catholic, since it impacts my life a lot.

Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?
definitely an extrovert. i get really, really down when i can't hang out with people, and the best way to make my day is to watch a movie with me.

Which parent are you closer to and why?
i suppose my mom ... but my dad and i confide in each other too. i spent more time with my mom when i was a kid because there was often conflict between me and my dad, so we became more close; she was also a stay at home mom for a time.

What was the best phase in your life?
i'm not really sure ... there always seems to be a catch. early 2021 was alright, i suppose ... i was getting back into acting, and my grades were good.

Is what youre doing now what you always wanted to do growing up?
i'm a neet, so ...definitely not, lol.

What makes you feel accomplished?
couldn't tell you, really, because that's not really a thing i feel.

What’s your favorite book/movie of all time and why did it speak to you so much?
THE RING!!! 🫀 specifically the first hour and ~37 minutes, cuz i hate the end. (don't even get me started ...) i love the characters (especially rachel) and i think all their interactions are very realistic, which lends all sorts of emotions to it (including a lot of humor on a meta level). narratives about childhood trauma are near and dear to my heart, which endears me irreparably to samara. and this one is silly, but since i'm always in love with some ex or another, i'm a sucker for a good exes-to-lovers subplot, and the one in the ring is really really sweet (and a little funny, honestly. i love a good 'he wants her so bad it makes him looks stupid'-type scene). i think the imagery and motifs are very clever; the combination of samara's water and fly motifs are so evocative of a waterlogged corpse, and i love some good religious imagery (rachel holding samara like mary holding jesus, the three-legged lamb in the videotape, et cetera). the characters (particularly rachel and noah) have specific character arcs as well, which is always nice in horror movies, because a lot of the time characters don't live long enough to get character arcs, so why bother, y'know? and in general i love it when a movie is kind of about something but really about something else, like how the ring is kind of about a cursed video tape, but it's really about parenthood. also, a lot of direction choices are really good; the color grading is meant to be evocative of a morgue, the rain sounds are i believe partially made up of pitched-up static noise, etc. but mooostly it's that i have the right type of derangements (trauma and chronic 'in love with my ex' syndrome) to make it basically made in a laboratory to appeal to me.

What is a relationship deal breaker for you?
short of the obvious ones, i'm not sure there are any hard deal breakers for me? if it's a huge moral difference then i wouldn't be friends with them in the first place ... i guess maybe if they're not affectionate at all as a baseline (temporary mental health stuff i understand).

Are you more into looks or brains?
more humor than anything, i suppose ... either way, it's hard to boil it down to a formula. i've liked everyone i ever dated for different reasons.

Would you ever take back someone who cheated?
ugh ... i know i shouldn't, but knowing me, i would...

How do you feel about sharing your password with your partner?
i'd maybe trust my best friend with something not super important, but i don't really see a point either way, so it's hard to say.

If you died tomorrow, what would you wish you had done?
oh god, literally anything. i haven't really done much with my life.

What kind of parent do you think you will be?
it's hard to tell, because there's a lot of stuff i need to improve on before i could even start to be a good parent (i'm a 24-year-old neet, for starters), and i don't know if i really want a kid in the first place ... but i like to think i'd be the fun/encouraging parent, because i really really like to see my loved ones have fun and get excited. (infodumping is a love language to me!!)

What would you do if your parents didn't like your partner?
ehhh, i dunno, it's never really come up. it depends on what their reasoning is, cuz sometimes when these things happen it's because the partner is abusive and sometimes it's because they're trans or something. there's just too many variables, y'know?

Who is that one person you can talk to about just anything?
my best friend orion (minnesotanaccent on tumblr)!!!! i have lots of close friends but he and i have known each other for over half of our lives and have seem some pretty ugly sides of each other, so i trust him to be accepting of whatever i've got going on.

Do you usually stay friends with your exes?
historically it's about half and half, though it's usually very casual, with a couple exceptions. i'm currently best friends with one of my exes and it's totally fine! (granted the circumstances of the breakup were sort of unique, but i mean, it's still true.)

Have you ever lost someone close to you?
assuming this only means via death, then not really, aside from maybe my old cat jimmy - he wasn't my bestest friend furrever, but i grew up with him and he was a very good cat, and i do really miss him from time to time.

If you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone to cheer you up?
generally i'll want company, since as i said, i really need to be around other people to thrive. sometimes i'll want to be left alone irl specifically, though.

What's an ideal weekend for you?
hanging out with my friends - staying up late watching horror movies, going to the club, etc. otherwise it's just some normal weekend, y'know?

Can you pin point the moment in your life where you were the happiest?
probably not, no. i've never been a particularly happy person.

Do you judge a book by its cover?
i mean, everyone makes flash judgments of people, it's how your brain works- but i try to let my judgments change if they're proven wrong.

Are you confrontational?
not really? i'm kind of scared of that stuff, which i know is really sucky of me, since i get frustrated when people don't air their grievances with me and instead do some underhanded thing or another.

When was the last time you broke someone's heart?
the last time someone seemed really torn up when i broke up with them was in december of 2021, but it's hard to tell. maybe he just wanted to be a jerk to me afterwards for fun.

Would you relocate for love?
yeah sure, i'm planning on moving out of this state anyway.

Did you ever write a journal?
i try, but i never keep up with it ... i do list out everything i'm grateful that happened during any given day, though. (speaking of, i think i may have forgotten to do that yesterday ...)

What are you most thankful for?
my friends and family are (usually) very patient with me. i'm a really high-strung person and i freak out a lot, and i don't really need to be shamed for it on top of that.

Do you believe in second chances?
again, it depends on what happened. for some things, yes; for other things, absolutely not.

What’s the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?
i put my foot in my mouth a lot and half the things i say in stressful conversations i don't really mean.

What is your idea of a perfect vacation?
something with my friends in a big (or big-ish) city! i would also like an unlimited budget please.

What did your past relationship teach you?
i need to date people who are honest and upfront - and preferably autistic, ha. it feels like nothing good ever comes of dating people whose brains work a lot different from me, because there are a lot of assumptions being made that i don't get to be in on.

Why did you cry the last time you did so?
i was probably crying over the adventure zone, honestly. it's just so sincere, and i'm a pretty weepy person when it comes to stuff like that.

Is home for you a place or a feeling? Describe that place or describe that feeling.
i don't know, really ... it's a bit of an abstract feeling. i guess the closest i have is my house, which i don't Not consider home. idk, do people really feel like a place/person is 'home' in some dramatic, heartfelt way? that seems like something that's just in the movies, idk.

When have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush?
getting in fights, i guess? i'm not sure. i kinda crave it but i don't know how to get it.

What is the craziest thing you've ever done and would you do it again?
man, this is kinda making me feel bad. i don't really do anything.

What’s your biggest regret in life?
much love but you couldn't torture that out of me 🫀

What do you think about when you’re by yourself?
i'm really good at thinking about anything at any time, unfortunately.

Does your job make you happy?
lmao what job

What’s been your biggest mistake so far in life and what did you learn from it?
see the above ...

Where is your favorite place in the entire world to go?
anywhere i get to be with friends! but in terms of cities, i'm quite fond of nyc and chicago.

What are some of your favorite songs?
bodys (2018 ver.) by car seat headrest, we used to be friends + bohemian like you by the dandy warhols, and kiss from a rose by seal are the ones that come to mind.

What’s something you can't go a day without doing?
i guess i can survive without cuddling my cat, but i don't love it.

What’s your biggest pet peeve?
having people over-explain things to me. like, i'm not an idiot, alright?

Do you have any recurring dreams or nightmares?
not anymore, but i used to have one about being attacked by zombies in a shoe store. i'd love to have it again, it sounds fun!

What accomplishment are you most proud of?
nnnnot really anything, i guess.

What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?
pretty much every dream i've ever had, lol.

What is your greatest fear?
existentially, having my reputation ruined. tangibly, drowning.

What are three things you value most about a person?
understanding, honesty, and uh ... i guess confidence? sincerity?

Who are five people you are closest with?
i have four best friends (orion, cj, mya, and the seaways- though the seaways count as two if you'd like, so that's five in itself), so maybe them and my mom or something?

What is the greatest struggle you’ve overcome?
idk, is getting over things the same as overcoming a struggle? because like, i've had bad interpersonal things happen to me that i eventually got over, but i feel like that's not what this is angling for.

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
oh god, don't ask, i'm still figuring that out.

What’s the most exciting thing that’s happened this past year?
the only really exciting stuff took place just a little bit over a year ago, so i'm not sure ... well, okay, unless you count some relationship stuff, but that's all convoluted and a whole Thing that's still getting put together so like, i don't want to say anything with confidence, y'know.

Do you believe more in fate or that we are the creators of our own destinies because we are governed by free will?
i'd like to think we're governed by free will, because otherwise what does that say about people who have only known suffering? like, it's just their fate to feel horrible and endangered? that's stupid.

What’s one thing that bothers you most about the world today?
i'm not sure how to answer this, because like ... there are the obvious literal genocides going on in the world. but that's probably not what the question was asking, right? otherwise any other answer would just look petty.

How do you define art?
if you make it, that's art, baybee!

If you could change one thing about the world what would it be?
governments in general need complete overhauls. there needs to be actual universal democracy and not the 'democracy' we're saddled with in e.g. the united states. idk, insert your usual leftie answer here.

Who was your favorite teacher and why?
i dunno ... i've had a lot of teachers, it feels wrong to choose a favorite one. i do have a mentor, i suppose, who taught a couple of the writing classes i've taken. sso probably her!

What sport did you fall in love with?
god, i wish i'd fallen in love with a sport.

If you could have the option of eradicating pain from your life would you choose to do so? Why or why not?
the fact that this is a question makes me feel like it's probably a bad thing to say yes ...

What was your longest relationship?
ummm, i think about two years? but we didn't really talk much after the first few months.

What would your best friend say is your best quality?
i'll get back to you on that because ... i'm not sure really! my open-mindedness, compassion, and resilience, apparently!

If you could be given the date of your death would you want to know it?
i think i'd get all weird and neurotic about it, to be honest, and i don't need more things to be weird and neurotic about.

If you could have any animal in the world as a pet, what would it be and why?
a stingray! you technically can already do that, but only insofar as it's not illegal, y'know?

If you could tell your former self one thing right now what would it be?
for the love of GOD think before you do things!!

What food could you not live without?
gumbo!!

Dogs or Cats?
cats, of course! though i do love dogs.

What’s closest you've ever come to being arrested?
i don't think i've ever been close to it ...

What was your best birthday?
i might be missing something from when i was a kid, but i suppose my 22nd was pretty good. i went to a friend's house and got twisted, swam in her pool, had some bitchin' ice cream cake, and watched some real housewives clips.

What’s one thing you wish you knew how to do?
i'm not really sure. i think there's mostly just stuff i want to get better at.

Where’s one place you’d like to go that you haven’t been?
ireland!!

What was the last book you read? And when?
dark water by koji suzuki, if we're counting short story collections; that was in march. if it has to be novels ... that'd be loop, also by koji suzuki, and i think i finished that in january?

If you were given a chance to explore the oceans, go to outer space or visit different countries, which one you choose and why?
i'm not really sure ... i'm afraid of drowning, so i feel like i'd be scared the entire time i was exploring the oceans, but outer space is also scary, and i'm not like ... hugely interested in being Super Worldly. i guess it'd be fun, but it isn't as exciting as the other two. that said, i'd rather be doing any of them than what i'm doing now ...

What are some of your own personal goals in the next years?
i dunno. get an associate's degree in something, at least.

If you could get away with anything, what would you do?
i reworded this from the original to make it comprehensible before realizing that i actually have no idea. i don't think i have the backbone to kill anyone, and the only things i'd consider stealing are only being sold online. (like that $60 hello kitty sadako plush with $39 shipping ...)

Out of the negative emotions of greed, anger, jealousy and hate, which one would you say affects you the most?
oh, anger, definitely. i'm a very high-strung person and that always loops in some anger, y'know?

Has another’s pain ever given you joy? Be totally honest.
i mean, yeah? i'm human, i can be petty. a lot of the time i just don't really care, though.

If heaven is real and you died tomorrow, would you get in?
i'm gonna need to talk to at least 5 different religious authorities about this.

If you had to pick one, what is the most important value you would teach your children? Honesty, Kindness or Courage?
kindness, obviously. you can be brutally honest, and not everything that would need courage to do is good.

If you had the ability to erase something that you did in the past, what would it be?
come back with a warrant

What song makes you unconditionally happy?
bodys (live version) by car seat headrest!

Name the one worst quality you cannot tolerate in a partner.
besides the obvious (disloyal, etc.) i don't think i could be in a relationship with someone who gets angry really easily. which i know sounds hypocritical, but i'm talking explosive anger as opposed to anxious anger or a bit of irritability.

What fictional character do you most relate to?
oh, this is tough ... roman roy from succession hits me in a very specific way that no other character has, and i think our personalities are similar in several ways, but we're not a whole lot alike in terms of like ... morals, goals, etc.

What is your biggest irrational fear?
spiders, naturally.

How old are you/What is your birthday/What is your zodiac sign?
combining these three since they're pretty much the same. anyway, I was born on 7.23.99, so I'm 24 and a Leo.

What is your favorite color?
crimson and midnight blue!

Do you have any pets?
three cats: olive, ianto, and teddie!

How tall are you?
5'5.5". very very average.

What shoe size are you and how many pairs of shoes do you own?
i'm a women's 7 or 8, and i have six pairs, if i'm not missing any - sandals, grey sneakers, black sneakers, a couple flashier pairs, and then some knee-high boots (i call them my cuntserving boots).

What was your last dream about?
i'm so sad because this is such a fun question but i can't remember at all :( sorry!!

What talents do you have?
writing is my biggest one, i think ... but i've also gotten pretty good at hexing!

Are you psychic in any way?
wouldn't that be fun ... i mean, i've been told i'm good at reading tarot, but i think it's more that i'm good at giving advice. i don't really view tarot as a divination thing as much as a way to get your thoughts and feelings about something sorted out.

Who would be your ideal partner?
someone who's patient and sweet, but who can also have some fun banter with me. must like horror!! (not in a selfish way, it's just that i find that when people dislike horror they're really staunch about it, and like ... i'd hate to date someone who finds my special interest gross or weird.)

Do you want children?
i'm not really sure, honestly. i get broody from time to time but i'm not sure i'd be good at it. i'm in a weird spot right now though where i am hypothetically at an age where having a kid wouldn't be too weird, so there's that aspect of pragmatism that kids don't have to have when they're thinking about these kinds of things, but also, my material reality is NOT the kind that's even remotely conducive to parenthood. like, idk, it's an impossible question to answer.

Do you want a church wedding?
GOD no.

Have you ever been to the hospital?
yup, for various different reasons.

Have you ever met any celebrities?
no a-listers, but some theatre people and authors, yeah.

Baths or showers?
i take baths if i'm treating myself, but i usually opt for showers.

What color socks are you wearing?
n/a - should've asked me while i was wearing something cute!

Would you like to be a big celebrity?
not a big celebrity, but i could handle being the kind of celebrity where you think you saw them on the subway, but it might have just been someone who looks like them. y'know?

What type of music do you like?
mostly rock, but i can find at least one song in just about any genre that i enjoy.

How many pillows do you sleep with?
just the one! i used to sleep with another but idk what happened to that...

What position do you usually sleep in?
fetal!

How big is your house?
pretty big, but not a mansion or anything. it's smaller than it looks, too, because it's one house that's split into two different homesteads inside.

What do you typically have for breakfast?
idk, whatever's in the house?

Have you ever fired a gun?
nope, but i've considered learning.

Have you ever tried archery?
yes! a bit for school and a bit at a summer camp. i really want to learn how to use a crossbow.

Favorite clean word?
fractal and tesseract - in fact, i have a separate website called fractal!

Favorite swear word?
i know it's so normie, but 'fuck' really is like a sister to me ...

What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep?
36ish hours? not on purpose. i got a new pokemon game.

Do you have any scars?
quite a few, yeah. no cool stories there, sadly!

Have you ever had a secret admirer?
a surprising amount of them, actually! but since i've turned off anonymous asks on tumblr i don't get to hear from them anymore.

Are you a good liar?
i think so? i dunno, i never feel the need to. but i know i'm a good actor.

Can you do any other accents other than your own?
not confidently ... i feel like 'vanilla' american accents are the easiest to fake, but i've already got one of those.

Do you have a strong accent?
in terms of like, compared solely to other accents in my country, nah. but if you were to ask someone from, idk, scotland or something, they'd probably say i have a strong american accent, right?

What is your favorite accent?
i don't think i really have one! voices are voices.

What is your personality type?
melanocholic, if you couldn't already tell.

What is your most expensive piece of clothing?
i think i still have my prom/graduation dress somewhere, and it's gotta be that ...

Can you curl your tongue?
yep 👍

Are you an innie or an outie?
innie :3

Left or right handed?
right-handed! though i think it could be cool to train myself to be ambidextrous.

Are you scared of spiders?
parts of me like them, but for the most part, yeahhh they are creepy.

Favorite food?
gumbo!!

Favorite foreign food?
tied for my favorite overall, actually: stir fry with lamb, beef, shrimp, and onion. i only get it a few times a year :(

Are you a clean or messy person?
i try to be clean, but every so often i slip into messiness.

Most used phrase?
something like "i'm going to lose my fucking marbles", or a similar sentiment.

Most used word?
i am very well aware of the fact that i use 'like' a lot. 😔

How long does it take for you to get ready?
it really does depend. it can take 5 minutes or it can take an hour.

Do you have much of an ego?
i have some points of pride, but overall, nah, i'm not particularly full of myself.

Do you suck or bite lollipops?
suck on that thing!!!

Do you talk or sing to yourself?
both! mostly the latter, but still the former sometimes.

Are you a good singer?
i've gotten rusty, but i'm not bad at it.

Best dramatic movie you've seen?
god, what is the best movie i've ever seen? get out, pahanhautoja, and pontypool are the golden trio of movies that blew me tf away, and i'd call them dramatic, even if they're not classified as 'drama'. i don't generally watch straight dramas, though i love dramedies. the only one i can really remember is primal fear, which was pretty good, if you set aside some aspects of it that i don't really feel like getting on my soapbox about.

Do you like long or short hair?
on other people? long on dudes, short on women. on myself? short, but like ... floppy about it.

Can you name all states of America?
i sure hope so, considering i grew up here ...

Favorite school subject?
logic scritches my autism just right, but i hesitate to say it's my favorite class ... if we're just going by the typical K12 classes, then i guess it's either choir (if that counts) or english.

Have you ever been scuba diving?
i am legally prohibited 👍

What makes you nervous?
anything and everything, thanks for asking!

Are you scared of the dark?
yes, unfortunately for the electric bills u_u

Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
not usually, i always feel like sort of a buzzkill or a know-it-all ...

Are you ticklish?
i dunno, nobody's really tried lol

Have you ever started a rumor?
i may have done some petty shit when i was younger, but i wouldn't stoop that low.

Have you ever been in a position of authority?
yeah, i mean, i've modded a few discord servers, but i haven't been anyone's boss or anything. i used to be head copy editor at my college newspaper, so i guess you could argue that the other copy editors were my assistants or something.

Have you ever drank underage?
for my country, yeah.

Have you ever done drugs?
fuck yeah dude i love weed gimme that shit

Who was your first real crush?
define 'real' crush, cuz that sorta doesn't mean much ...

How many piercings do you have?
just the regular two, sadly. i want more, though!

How fast can you type?
i think they called it savant level when i was tested, which is probably the stupidest thing to be a savant at lol.

How fast can you run?
not very!

What colors are your hair and eyes?
natural red and blue, in that order.

What are you allergic to?
nothing, afaik.

Do you like your age?
GET ME OUT OF HERE

What makes you angry?
uh, i dunno. is there a distinction between irritated and angry here? because plenty of things irritate me, but i don't think i get angry a whole lot ...

Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?
i used to want to have a daughter named audrey rose! now i'm not so sure, but i mean, it's as good a name as any. as for a boy, i'm not really sure ...

Do you want a boy a girl for a child?
man, idk. i mean, i don't even know if i want a child in the first place, so ...

Were your ancestors royalty?
eh, there might have been a duke in there or something a jillion years ago, but nothing to write home about.

Color of your bedspread?
black with grey/silver and red accents. (roses!)

Color of your room?
crimson, coincidentally :3